To avoid suffering one must not love.
But then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore, to love is to suffer.
Not to love is to suffer.
To suffer is to suffer.
To be happy is to love.
To be happy, then, is to suffer.
But suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love,
Or love to suffer,
Or suffer from too much happiness.
I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
and she bursts into tears…
she made the scorching summer sun powerless with her tears raining from her eyes
summer was flooded with all her sorrow…
she has never felt so broken… so crushed…
- Fall Out Boy
she screams…
she calls out his name…
"How long do I have to wait?
How long do I have to cry?
How long do I have to keep fooling myself?
How long do I have to hurt?
…can you even hear me?"
not a day… not even a second
that she would not think about him…
it was as if pining over him was as good as having him…
remembering every single moment they shared…
even if it hurts more than facing the day knowing he is no longer hers…
ironic isn't it…
and she pulls her hair back…
it was a hot day
yet another gloomy weather,
being witnessed by the four walls of the foyer…
it was a heartbreaking scene as the rainbow-colored sheets turned black and white…
every smile by all the teddy bears faded…
"I can't take it anymore…
I don't want to cry anymore…
I don't want to remember…
I don't want to feel…
…make me forget"
- Brian McKnight
she tried to run away… to hide from everyone who had something to do with her life…
then…
a push to let go… give up…
"… I love you so much it hurts,
I love you so much that I'm giving up… not because I want to… but because I know this is what you wanted."
BUT
knowing this girl, she fights for what she wants…
a risk taker…
no matter how stupid she would look…
no matter how more crushed her heart will be
because she would always remember what he told her…
"the biggest risk in life is not taking one…"
he might not have took a chance on her… but she will for him…
"…you can never run away… because if you run, it will just keep on haunting you… feel it until it doesn't hurt anymore… feel it till its still there…"
sadomasochism? Could be… but there isn't a better way out, I guess…
- City of Angels
she still loves him…
more than before..
she misses him more…
she couldn't wait till the day they would meet again…
but… impatience is what took everything away from her…
impatience.. impulsiveness… the whole "spur-of-the-moment-all-or-nothing"
"For one year… I will wait for you… I hope that within that time, one day, we'd be drawn to each other's heartbeat…"
--------------------------------------------------
I have so many things in mind...
It is a shame that I have spent summer swimming for my life in my sea of thoughts
my heart sinking in tears
so many feelings in one heart that I don't know if I could take it much longer…
a long time to wait… but I know I shouldn't let my whole world revolve to one person I am not even sure would come back to me…
I am happy that school will start soon… I need some distraction…
to give myself a break… crying is very tiring… *smirks*
so many things I want to write.. but I don't think words could be enough to explain everything I've been going through…
these few lines would sum it all up I guess…
For that second chance
For a break that will make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memory seeps through my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight…"
-Sarah McLachlan
»end of session