Saturday, December 30, 2006
five months and nine days since i have last posted...
since i last wrote...
this is a year-ender... and how happy i am that this year would end.. it has been 365 cruel days to me... slight happiness has come across but this doesnt mask the wounds in my heart...
every single day of the year has made the cracks in my heart bigger... im still alive, but i barely made it...
i dont know if i should be thankful that i did, because it just gives me another chance to screw up, or maybe another chance to fix my messed up life...
i'd opt for the first...
for the first semester, i joined organizations in my university.. i joined one too many.. i figured that if i would get preoccupied, i wouldnt have to feel so broken... but then again, i was wrong...
i did minor productions from university-wide organizations, performances, because im mostly inclined in being on stage...
i thought this would keep my mind of him but with every time i get on stage, i cant help but look for a familiar face in the crowd, the face ive been longing to see...
a sudden crash...
i found out that he's in the arms of someone new... they look happy...
he looks enamoured...
lucky girl....
makes me wonder what she did that made him face his fear of commitment...
personally, i wouldnt be surprised if they would eventually get married...
crash and burn...
...
it was really time for me to let him go, though he was never really mine.......
it was a tough year for me... i have been sick almost everytime... not just the common cold or fever...
hmmm.. life is short...
but something tells me that my life is shorter than everybody else's...
for the past months, ive tried to meet new people, but they are all just merely passerbys... one second they're all over you, the next they're all over someone else...
that's why i have come to the conclusion that im never meant for anything romantic
makes me think that im not actually the girl any guy is looking for...
i must've done something wrong.. but then again, i always do...
nothing actually wonderful has happened to me this year... (or maybe not wonderful in my perspective at least)
which makes me hope for a better year ahead,
probably the only positive thing im thinking of right now...
disappointment would be the last thing i need for the coming year
i have had so many
if this will continue, i dont know what id do....
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***fade to black***false kisses under the moonlight,entrapped heart just lost her own gamemisinterpreted words mistaken for lovenever was, never will bea day of hearts, thought would be differentanother illusion only one eye could see.an expectation for something realbut his fear made it all a blur.great love that wasnt enough to change a selfish heartefforts to materialize are still worthlessa love growing continuouslyhis heart closed doors so easilya hot summer flooded with tearsthe hope is still thereas tears run down her cheeks,memories are the only things she could keepthe heat of the sun slowly fadescolder are the days and nightsan urge to move on and let gobut never ever could do sothen the start of the busy daysa hope to wash him away from her memorytried to keep preoccupiedso that he would never cross her mindschool work, exams, extracurricularssometimes too much that made her sick as a dogmentally, physically, and emotionally batteredshe dares to move onan unexpected newsan unexpected pictureshe saw him with someonehe looks different, he looks happycontinues her busy lifehad a chance to an onstage performanceshe looks lovely, she looks finebut among the crowd she looks for his smiledisappointed, crushed, she decided to travela day at the beach, under the hot suna day at the high lands, try to get cozy in the fogshe'd be having the time of her life, if only he was with hera birthday wish, a special someonegot drunk, she ended up weepinga few dates, never did good"what went wrong?" they left her askingcold holidays spent at the beachfun in the sandbut still with a crushed heartnothing could be more awkward than thisadios to every bitter pasta simple desire for a sweeter tomorrowi'll be moving on, this time it's for realand im glad that this will all fade to black....
[Don Pedro]
for each month of the fleeting year, and a farewell note
i have a feeling that everything will be just fine...
ģend of session
bandista needed
you at 12:31 am
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chrysalis
December 31, 2006 09:49 AM PST
Amen. Let that be our common refrain ... and prayer ... |
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Don Pedro
December 31, 2006 09:47 AM PST
oh chrys, how right you are...
the light seems to be too far from this dark and seemingly endless tunnel we are constantly walking through...
how i wish that the new year would be a lot different for us... maybe if there is a possibility for more smiles on our faces, more people to hold on to, and definitely that one person to be deliriously happy with.. |
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chrysalis
December 30, 2006 11:18 PM PST
Your year sounds a lot like mine. The worst yet. You and I have come to a couple similar conclusions ... the length of our fututres, the seemingly inevitable absence of romance.
I'm trying not to give up. I really am.
It's a day to day struggle, sometimes hour to hour, even minute to minute. If I had the answers I'd give them to you. But all we can do is look for whatever light there may be, and come out from the darkness any way we can. |
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