"…you can never have your soul mate for your first boyfriend… where's the fun in that…"
fairy tales…
the whole "damsel-in-distress-rescued-by-her-knight-in-shining-armor" scenario
where love's first kiss saves the day…
the only place where love at first sight is actually love
an enchanting song could make two souls collide and be kept entwined for the rest of their lives…
I shouldn't have read fairy tales when I was a kid…
some say it is not advisable…
at this point I would agree…
in
our subconscious (or conscious) mind, we would have this illusion of
how perfect everything would be when love would finally come our way…
the perfect place…
the perfect man…
the perfect kiss…
the illusion that the firsts would be with you forever…
the illusion that nothing could possibly go wrong…
the illusion that when love finds you, it would never leave…
let's
say I may be wrong… let's say that these so-called illusions could
actually come true… they could actually happen…
well… there must've been a glitch in mine…
it's
quite confusing really… that when my friends and their boyfriends have
a fight, and eventually one of them wants to break up, give it a
minute, a day tops for them to say, "I can't do it"
I wouldn't
know what to feel… I mean, I should be happy, because they are my
friends... but then, I can't be… because I can't help but think that
why love works for others, but never for me…
then I would think that there must be some mistake… my illusion doesn't go like this at all…
my illusion didn't contain me writing about heartbreaks in the middle of the night…
it didn't have highly emotional times listening to every GD song that would remind me how I screwed up so bad
it never had breakdowns and endless thoughts of what could've been, what if's, and why's
something must've gone wrong with the "Happily Ever After Factory"…
so here I am again, it is half past midnight doing a great job on soaking the pillows
I don't smile anymore…
and I am now afraid…
afraid to do anything because I realize that when I try to make something work for me, it would end up exactly the opposite…
I can't do things anymore, because I am afraid I would screw everything up again…
the risks that I took.. were they even worth it? I can't say…
I am too crushed to say that they are…
angst… sorrow… longing…
all of the sleepless nights…
all the hoping…
all the silent screams…
its funny… but I still believe in happy endings… I still do
»end of session
bandista needed
you at 01:48 am
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chrysalis
June 7, 2006 02:30 AM PDT
Yeah ... you're right. There is no such thing as happily ever after, no such thing as a soul mate. It's easier when you realize that. A little bit easier, anyway. |
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